This is an episode from my life from the time I was in college.
I was in my freshman year and just out of school. Still extremely naive and easily distracted by anything at all. I got into my dream university and with the dream course and everything was going just right. I still hadn't decided what I wanted to do ahead in life but I knew it had to be something in the Commerce stream. Everything seemed to be fitting perfectly into my life. I had a set of "friends" who I could bunk class with and it seemed all super fun! Guys actually noticed me, and dumbly enough, I was overwelhemed by this realisation (I had no confidence in myself at all, throughout my life) and this led me to over confidence. I started answering back to my folks and things were pretty messed up at home too. I dint care about the world and stood by "F**K THE WORLD"... It started showing in my attitude, my dressing, my studies... and I started growing away from my real friends. And soon enough, fate caught up with my antics...
It was the finals and I hadn't studied anything and the night before the exam I sat up, surfing the net, chatting, doing random "nothing", anything except studying, with absolute confidence that I was going to get through the exam, by hook or by crook... The right way it wasnt possible for me to pass an hour before the exam, and I had never been in such a situation ever in my life before.. and there I was. I reached college and saw all the students going through the last minute prep and I alone stood there wondering what was i going to do, and finally I decided, I was going to Cheat. I had done it before, but I was usually the one who knew the right answer "helping" someone else get through. I was too proud to ask help from anyone in the exam hall so I decided to make my own "arrangements".. I tore off A4 size sheet and folded and stick them up under my sleeves, boots, pockets and went for the exam...
I've never spoken about that day in so much detail ever and to anybody, of course its not something worth anyone's time, but it has been there inside me ever since and there are nights, even now, when I just cant sleep, wishing all the time, that I could turn the clock back and set things right. And its so difficult coming to terms with it and I probably never will, but that doesnt mean I cant even try, right?
I was copying down each and every word off the sheets and the invigilator looked strict but I was super confident and ridiculously arrogant.. So I dint stop and the girl next to me couldn't resist it and she asked me for a few. I was extremely generous and I shared.. Any way the invigilator was no fool and she took the sheet from me and asked me to "co-operate", such simple words started getting a whole lot heavier than I could ever imagine. I begged and pleaded and it was no use. She was firm about it and wasn't in the mood of forgiving. She probably dint believe in it because I later heard that she had a reputation for being the was she was. And I had no idea my life was going to change forever after that and how. The girl sitting next to me quitely stood-up before any heat came onto her and walked out of the hall after submitting her paper. Even in the seriousness of the situation, I couldn't control my laughter at the "ways of the world". Anyhow, she went on to become a CA and is probably doing quite well assuming she learnt from my mistake and stuck with her "ways of the world"
So the desperation with which I pleaded, I'll never forget and even now as I'm typing this, I can still feel the gush of blood to my head, and my urge of turning the clock back just 10 mins back... I cheated and got caught for it and I regret it. Of course she dint forgive finally and my paper was damned and submitted and so was my fate. I lost a whole year, had to repeat the year, and I wasn't allowed to attend classes again, and I couldn't bear to face my ex-class mates.. I had screwed up and screwed up bad! And that was only the beginning of the most difficult time of my life... If only I could go back in time and stop myself from doing that. Maybe my life would've turned out different, better. I changed completely after that, never cheated again and would rather fail than use any other means.. But at what cost? Was it really necessary for me to earn the punishment to learn a lesson? Probably... I'm sorry, I feel sorry, but its way too late and its no use, but still...
I never blamed my invigilator and never will. She did what she felt was right and I should have done the right thing too, but I dint and I paid for it.
Some things from that part of my life still ring in my head and I feel a stabbing pain in my heart.. "this your case number.. don't worry, you'll remember it for the rest of your life... there will be a trial 3 months later, be here for it... "
I was in my freshman year and just out of school. Still extremely naive and easily distracted by anything at all. I got into my dream university and with the dream course and everything was going just right. I still hadn't decided what I wanted to do ahead in life but I knew it had to be something in the Commerce stream. Everything seemed to be fitting perfectly into my life. I had a set of "friends" who I could bunk class with and it seemed all super fun! Guys actually noticed me, and dumbly enough, I was overwelhemed by this realisation (I had no confidence in myself at all, throughout my life) and this led me to over confidence. I started answering back to my folks and things were pretty messed up at home too. I dint care about the world and stood by "F**K THE WORLD"... It started showing in my attitude, my dressing, my studies... and I started growing away from my real friends. And soon enough, fate caught up with my antics...
It was the finals and I hadn't studied anything and the night before the exam I sat up, surfing the net, chatting, doing random "nothing", anything except studying, with absolute confidence that I was going to get through the exam, by hook or by crook... The right way it wasnt possible for me to pass an hour before the exam, and I had never been in such a situation ever in my life before.. and there I was. I reached college and saw all the students going through the last minute prep and I alone stood there wondering what was i going to do, and finally I decided, I was going to Cheat. I had done it before, but I was usually the one who knew the right answer "helping" someone else get through. I was too proud to ask help from anyone in the exam hall so I decided to make my own "arrangements".. I tore off A4 size sheet and folded and stick them up under my sleeves, boots, pockets and went for the exam...
I've never spoken about that day in so much detail ever and to anybody, of course its not something worth anyone's time, but it has been there inside me ever since and there are nights, even now, when I just cant sleep, wishing all the time, that I could turn the clock back and set things right. And its so difficult coming to terms with it and I probably never will, but that doesnt mean I cant even try, right?
I was copying down each and every word off the sheets and the invigilator looked strict but I was super confident and ridiculously arrogant.. So I dint stop and the girl next to me couldn't resist it and she asked me for a few. I was extremely generous and I shared.. Any way the invigilator was no fool and she took the sheet from me and asked me to "co-operate", such simple words started getting a whole lot heavier than I could ever imagine. I begged and pleaded and it was no use. She was firm about it and wasn't in the mood of forgiving. She probably dint believe in it because I later heard that she had a reputation for being the was she was. And I had no idea my life was going to change forever after that and how. The girl sitting next to me quitely stood-up before any heat came onto her and walked out of the hall after submitting her paper. Even in the seriousness of the situation, I couldn't control my laughter at the "ways of the world". Anyhow, she went on to become a CA and is probably doing quite well assuming she learnt from my mistake and stuck with her "ways of the world"
So the desperation with which I pleaded, I'll never forget and even now as I'm typing this, I can still feel the gush of blood to my head, and my urge of turning the clock back just 10 mins back... I cheated and got caught for it and I regret it. Of course she dint forgive finally and my paper was damned and submitted and so was my fate. I lost a whole year, had to repeat the year, and I wasn't allowed to attend classes again, and I couldn't bear to face my ex-class mates.. I had screwed up and screwed up bad! And that was only the beginning of the most difficult time of my life... If only I could go back in time and stop myself from doing that. Maybe my life would've turned out different, better. I changed completely after that, never cheated again and would rather fail than use any other means.. But at what cost? Was it really necessary for me to earn the punishment to learn a lesson? Probably... I'm sorry, I feel sorry, but its way too late and its no use, but still...
I never blamed my invigilator and never will. She did what she felt was right and I should have done the right thing too, but I dint and I paid for it.
Some things from that part of my life still ring in my head and I feel a stabbing pain in my heart.. "this your case number.. don't worry, you'll remember it for the rest of your life... there will be a trial 3 months later, be here for it... "
